Gordo: Member of the Family

Above: My two cats, Gordo and Jasmine (also known as Estupida, Stinky, Little Cat, Little, Dumb Head, Stupid Cat, Jazz, Jazzy, and Kitty)

Let me introduce you to the love of my life, Gordo. I prepare his food, pick his fleas, and sleep in his bed. Or he sleeps in mine; I'm not sure. And if he happens to be taking a nap on my stomach, well, I won't get up - not even if the phone rings or if my legs fall asleep.

Gordo is an old ugly cat I rescued from the animal shelter. He is fat, hence the name. He has no hair on the back of his legs or on his belly because he has licked it all off, and he has sores on the insides of his legs from biting them. His bare pink belly hangs almost to the ground sometimes. Even his butt is fat, and he likes to go around with his tail up high. The sight is not pretty, and you know that if he knew he looked like that, he would be very embarrassed.

Still, he'll eat anything - leftover green bean juice from my green beans, noodles and carrots left in my bowl after a bowl of soup, even chewed bits of tough asparagus I was unable to swallow. He's really sweet - very cuddly, easy to please, lethargic. Watching a sleeping cat will make the hardiest insomniac sleepy. He gets along well with my other cat. Generally, though, he doesn't get excited, and all he does is eat, sleep, and occasionally run away from the bully neighbor cats.

Today I splurged on a small catnip pillow I spotted at the grocery store. The package claimed the pillow contained "the world's most potent catnip". When I came into my door and Gordo greeted me, I said "Gordo, I have something for you" and he went crazy before I had even dug through my bags for it. He probably thought I had brought him was something to eat, because I haven't gotten him catnip in a while.

If you have never seen a cat on catnip, you are missing out.

He tore at the pillow with his teeth and his claws, drooling and growling. He rolled over and over as he tore at it, but occasionally paused to lick it vigorously. Sometimes he held the pillow between his paws and rubbed it all over his face; other times, he put the pillow on the floor and scooted it forward with his nose.

My other little cat came over to see what he was doing, and he paused to swipe at her (very out of character for him - just look at the photo!) and returned to his toy. She sat and stared at him, puzzled.

I stared too, though I felt slightly embarrassed. Here was my gentlemanly, serene cat on a drug I gave him, and it was making him behave in a very undignified manner! I wondered how it would end - would he ever find satisfaction? He was trying to get the stuff on his skin, trying to eat it, trying to smell it. He wasn't succeeding in ripping open the pillow.

Then, suddenly, his catnip-orgasm subsided. He laid down on the carpet, exhausted. Relieved to see him acting normally, my little cat thought he might want to play and sprightly leaped over him, but he ignored her.

I have so many questions. What was he trying to do to the poor catnip? It was like he couldn't figure out if it was a baby (licking), a food (drooling), a rival (biting), or something nice smelling, like body spray (rubbing it on himself, burying his nose in it). If he had succeeded in ripping open the pillow, would his satisfaction have come sooner?

Is it too shocking to compare catnip with sex?

I'll say no more, but think about it. You know it's true. Next time he goes crazy with the catnip, I just might step out of the room and give him some privacy.

And how does this post relate to tea?

Tea can be a great thing to drink before sex.

Actually, I wouldn't know that.

Let me try another avenue:

Catnip is a member of the mint family.

Some herbal infusions are made with mint.

Some mint herbal infusions are actually quite tasty, especially before bed - calming effect, and all.

I think I'll have a cup now.